Joining us today is Mary Lauren from My 3 Little Birds. She is talking about how to slow down life’s frantic pace and live in the moment.
As moms, we’re trained to rush. Breakfast to backpacks. Drop off to dentist. There is lunch to prepare (How quickly can you get those apples sliced?) and work to be done.
There are times I feel like I’m competing in an imaginary race to bedtime. My opponent is invisible and trash-talks me all day.
You’re not moving fast enough, she says. She tells me one hundred ways I’m not measuring up, not working hard enough, not being good enough at this motherhood gig. Are you competing with her, too?
Today I want to talk about how really winning the race requires slowing down. After all, when we’re moving that fast we miss the good stuff.
The way your daughter admires her brand-new pierced ears in the hallway mirror.
The smell of the bread as it bakes (it reminds you of your grandmother).
The light, falling in slats through the blinds in the bedroom, making the walls glow yellow.
The sound of his voice on the phone, telling you he loves you with the same words he used when he was 25.
What happened to the 25 year old girl? She grew up, had a baby. Then another. She focused on a career, focused on the kids, focused on him. And somewhere along the way she began to see life as a race and stopped really living.
So how do we slow down, live in the moment?
1. Look at the Life You’ve Created
On lunch breaks as a working mom, I’d look at a picture of my baby while I used my breast pump. The books all told me this would encourage let-down. I stared at his face, the tiny cleft in his chin, the eyes that were blue but would turn to brown. I felt myself relax. Breathe. I could do my job for him. I could produce the fatty milk, ounces and ounces of it, enough to fill a freezer and then some. Looking at his face slowed me down. Is there a way we can look at our families now as a reminder to slow down, to take it all in?
2. Focus on the Big Picture
When you look at life as a series of items to check off a never-ending list, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed. But guess what? You’re living the life you dreamed about for all those years of broken hearts and doodles on a notebook page. You have it all now. Take a deep breath and enjoy your family.
3. Make a Happiness List
Just for one day, instead of staring at a page of to-do’s, record the moments that made you smile.
4. Play
Do you know what happens every time you get on the carpet with a four year old and succumb to the pressure of playing with Matchbox cars? You have fun. And so does he. Incorporate play into every day.
5. Soak It All In
This summer I found myself impatient for the routine that fall brings– the regular rhythm of the school year. And then I realized that this is the last summer that she will be two, that he will be four, and that my oldest will be eight. They will never be this young again. Will she curl up in my lap at three? Will he need even need me to read to him at five? And nine- that is the hardest one of all. Nine will bring big-kid challenges that I cannot begin to imagine. So I decided to relax. Soak in the summer. Enjoy the season with everything it means for our family.
Slowing down really just means being present. Available. There will always be tasks to complete and chores to be done. But in the end, what’s most important is worth slowing down for.
And that invisible opponent? She’ll have to wait.
About the Author:
Mary Lauren is a social worker turned mother turned blogger. Long before she was any of these things she was a writer. When she’s not writing at her blog, My 3 Little Birds, you can find her drinking too much coffee, pretending she’s crafty, and finding excuses not to exercise. She’s a contributing writer at She{hearts}It and is developing a career as a freelancer.
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A lovely post that applies even to those of us who aren’t mothers, it’s easy to get bogged down in the to do lists and forget about all the good stuff going on too.
I’ve been feeling this a lot lately and it inspired me to start my weekly ‘happiness is…’ linky posts which have really helped me focus on the positives.
Have a lovely, stressfree day all!
Jade
Jade @ No Longer 25 recently posted..Happiness Is… {Happy}
Jade, you’re right…we can all benefit from living in the moment a little more. Thank you for your comment.
Mary Lauren @ My 3 Little Birds recently posted..Book of Wrongs
Mary Lauren, so good to see you here! Love your post, you are right. We are constantly in a mad rush to do this, that, trying to fit it all in, and accomplishing little. Thank you for the reminder to slow down and be available.
Alison@Mama Wants This recently posted..Guest Star: Sandra of Absolutely Narcissism
Hi Alison! Good to see you too : )
Mary Lauren @ My 3 Little Birds recently posted..Book of Wrongs
What a wonderful way to end the summer! I wrote about this topic today too.
JDaniel4′s Mom recently posted..Pause Life for a Moment- Summer Fun and a Special Moment
Thank you. Can’t wait to check out your post!
Mary Lauren @ My 3 Little Birds recently posted..Book of Wrongs
Great post, great writer. And you guys had me at the photo, I am a sucker for old books!
Living the Balanced Life recently posted..How to finally do what you REALLY want to do
Thanks so much. I love taking pictures of my old books…such interesting colors, fonts and texture. I always imagine the hands that have held them over the years!
Mary Lauren @ My 3 Little Birds recently posted..Book of Wrongs
I love this. I am going to start making happiness lists instead of stuff that pissed me off lists. Wonderful!
Theresa recently posted..Ask Momma…
Mary Lauren is such a wonderful writer and sweet, fantastic person. Loved this post!
p.s. Go check out her blog and follow her. She always brings light into my day.
dweej @ HouseUnseen recently posted..Sexism in the New Millennium
Dwija, thank you!!
Mary Lauren @ My 3 Little Birds recently posted..Book of Wrongs
Twitter: onemixedbag
says:
Mary Lauren, this is lovely. I think that it applies to everyone. We are always rushing around to hurry the moments up. I love the idea of a happiness list. Great post!
Bernie recently posted..Montana Fair Purse Display
Thanks, friend : )
Mary Lauren @ My 3 Little Birds recently posted..Book of Wrongs
Such wonderful reminders! Looking forward to reading more of your blog!
lindsey recently posted..meatless monday: turkey dinner
Thank you Lindsey.
Mary Lauren @ My 3 Little Birds recently posted..Book of Wrongs
Twitter: BoonieSooze
says:
Prettily said! But so very hard to do, is it not?
Susan in the Boonies recently posted..Best Use of Summertime Tomatoes? Panzanella!
Yes! It is hard to remember to slow down. But it’s worth it, I think. Thanks for reading.
Mary Lauren @ My 3 Little Birds recently posted..Book of Wrongs
I needed that list today…
Life As Wife recently posted..Perfection
Twitter: tabthablue
says:
GREAT post… great list. I think this needs to make it to the top of my to-do list now
Like all of us, I feel the pressure of our lives being too busy, with too much to do. But I always strive to enjoy it, enjoying all the small moments that make a great life great. Thanks for the post this morning!
Tabitha Blue / Fresh Mommy Blog recently posted..T.G.I. Monday?
This is EXACTLY what I needed this morning. I was reaching Berning over at One Mixed Bag and she recommended your post – I’m glad I came by and read it. Even tho my kiddo is well grown and out of the house, I can still apply a lot – and he still likes Matchbook cars – just not getting down in the floor and playing with his mom anymore (hoho).
nan @ lbddiaries recently posted..How Do I Know I Love Him?
BERNIE at One Mixed Bag – sheesh.
nan @ lbddiaries recently posted..How Do I Know I Love Him?
Don’t you just love Bernie? Thanks…and I’m glad you could relate.
Mary Lauren @ My 3 Little Birds recently posted..Book of Wrongs
Seriously, I was not intending on shedding any tears this morning but as a Momma of two, 5 and 8 months, it made me a bit weepy. So true and thank you!
Kimberly recently posted..When It Rains
I”m happy my post was meaningful to you (but sorry for the tears!).
Mary Lauren @ My 3 Little Birds recently posted..Book of Wrongs
So true! How easy it is to get overwhelmed with what ‘must be done’ and forget to just enjoy life. Thanks for the post!
Elisabeth Treble recently posted..How Hard Can It Be?
I love this blogger and never am I at a point where I don’t need to be encouraged to slow down and enjoy the moment!
Jenny recently posted..Tuesday’s Etsy spotlight: Sam’s Stuff
Hi Jenny, thank you so much for your sweet comment.
Mary Lauren @ My 3 Little Birds recently posted..Book of Wrongs
Such great tips! We used to call it “hurray up and wait” in my pre-mom profession!
Missy | The Literal Mom recently posted..Why Doing Something for YOU is Imperative to Mental Health
Twitter: MyPixieBlog
says:
What a beautiful post this is and a wonderful reminder that we need to take advantage of every moment. Far too often I find myself rushing through life and then I wonder at the end of the season where the time has gone.
Thank you for this
Charlotte recently posted..Book review: Beneath a Starlet Sky
I love this post! I find myself in a race all the time, even though I don’t have children yet, I need to focus on enjoying my life right now, instead of racing to get somewhere else. Thanks Mary!
Emily recently posted..Sponsor Feature: Shabby Apple
Nice to meet you Emily!
Mary Lauren @ My 3 Little Birds recently posted..Book of Wrongs
Twitter: 2washblog
says:
Thanks for the reminder – so often I rush home from work and feel I have so much to get done. I get annoyed as my husband hangs out in the nursery with the baby while I run around cleaning or trying to “get things done.” I need to remember that what he is doing is probably more important than emptying the dishwasher.
Lauren recently posted..Photos of the Days
a beautiful and poignant post – I’ve been on a journey of simplifying and slowing down these past two years…soooooooooo glad I did…keep shining sweet bellas
mangiabella recently posted..Southwestern Stuffed Puff Pastry…and Perspective!
Thank you : )
Mary Lauren @ My 3 Little Birds recently posted..Book of Wrongs
Beautiful.
misssrobin recently posted..A Big, Beautiful Library in My Home
What a fantastic post! I love the idea of the happiness list. I have clients do this sometimes, and the revelations that come from
It are pretty amazing.
Karolina recently posted..Guest Post: A Journey Towards Balance & Self Care
What a PERFECT post for today! Thank you, thank you.
Katie Eschbach recently posted..First day of School {2011}
I love the part about making a “Happiness List” – what a wonderful idea! Thank you
Stefanie recently posted..New FBI Child ID App Helps Parents Locate Missing Kids
love a happiness list! To live in the moment is a great thing for everyone to remember!!! thank you!
melody recently posted..sunbeams
I’ve read similar posts before about how to live in the moment. But this one really grabbed me. Such great advice and so clearly written. Loved it!
Jen {at} take2mommy recently posted..Out of Whack
I think we all need the reminder to slow down. I have to work hard for these moments, because my job isn’t going to give me any.
Katherine recently posted..Nostalgia
Mary, this is a lovely reminder. i strive for this. You captured it beautifully.
Galit Breen recently posted..About #BlogHer11
Wonderful and poignant. Now if we can all put that into effect, it will be a happier world. I’m for trying! Thanks for the lovely advice!
Leah Rubin recently posted..200th Post and Celebrating Two Years
Not sure how I missed this, ML, but it’s wonderful. Just the beautiful words of wisdom I’ve come to expect from you. You are one talented lady with some beautiful insight. Thank you for sharing these thoughts! I especially love the Happy List idea.
I love this post. I am all about enjoying the small moments when the kids, especially when things get stressful. You are right, this is the life I wanted, and I try my best to enjoy it as much as possible.
Mary Lauren, I have only found you so very recently, but I adore you already. This is perfect; I had an epiphany like #5 the other day. This is the last month that my oldest will be home with us all the time (she goes to preschool in September). I want to remember every moment, and I don’t want those moments to be garbled and rushed in the everyday tasks that aren’t really as important as I sometimes think.
angela recently posted..Operation Organization – Playroom Edition
Mary-Lauren, it must be in the air…I just wrote about the same thing. Being present & happy where I am in my life instead of always racing forward. Great post!
Deana recently posted..Blueberries and Zucchini!
LOVE this post!
“winning the race requires slowing down”
Your explanation under Looking at the Life you created really made me smile.
So beautiful. Thanks so much for sharing and for the much needed reminder!
Chari
SAHM of twins
Chari recently posted..Fro-Licious Friday Natural Hair Pandemic!
Really like your blog! Just subscribed via Google Reader. Love that “Mom as a Case Manager” post.
Leah recently posted..Sand, Splash and Sunset: Summer in San Diego
Thanks for stopping by! Mom as Case Manager was the post that really changed the way I blogged. I talk about it here: http://my3littlebirdsblog.com/2011/07/my-first-vlog.html
I love this post. I am often guilty of moving too fast, and for making life a series of to-do items. #4 really hit me. I don’t remember the last time I actually played with me son. We cuddle a lot, there are hugs throughout the day, I think I’m going enough (and maybe on most days I am), but I don’t play. I think today, I will. Thank you.
Book4MyDaughter recently posted..My Odd Children
So important to take time to be happy. It’s the only way to keep ourselves centered when surrounded by chaos.
Kathy Vaughn recently posted..Audubon Insectarium
This is really nice blog and the message is very nice..!!!I As a dad my experience is very good.