Tater Twins: Motherhood with Many

I’ve been blogging for years- about a decade now.  I’ve used several different platforms, including a free diary site that is no longer in existence and LiveJournal.  My first ‘public’ blog was one in which I focused on my losses and my feelings of grief.   I started that blog because finding others out there that had gone through what I had really helped me, and I thought perhaps by putting myself out there I might be able to help someone else who was experiencing baby loss.  I tended to keep my more every day banter to my LiveJournal, especially things relating to my other kids.

As for my current blog, I created it when I got pregnant because I wanted a separate place to chronicle my pregnancy. I know when I was deep in the throes of grief, the last thing I wanted to read about was someone’s pregnancy.   I wanted a record of what I was going through, and a way to keep family and friends updated about my many appointments- and I didn’t want to do that on my loss blog. When I named this site ‘The TaterTwins’ I did so without envisioning the following I’d get, and never thinking I’d continue blogging publicly.  I had thought once the twins were born, I’d slowly stop blogging publicly again and go back to LiveJournal.  That hasn’t happened.

I regret naming my blog ‘The TaterTwins’. Because of the way this blog has evolved, it’s not just a blog about the twins. I feel this is my space, and the name doesn’t accurately portray that.  I’ve debated changing my blog name. I have a great one in mind, and I’ve already purchased the domain. I’d hate to lose the my small following though if I were to switch over.  Perhaps I’ll do a slow transition with a redirect.

How has suffering the loss of children shaped the way you mother?  Has it?
My losses have definitely shaped me as a mother.  While I still don’t have much patience, I have noticed that I don’t sweat the small stuff like I used to.  I’ve learned that the little things don’t matter in the long run.  Wearing a Halloween costume to the grocery store paired with rain boots on a sunny day in April- not a big deal.  Not quite ready to potty train when others think it’s the right time?  Whatever.  They won’t go to college in diapers.

I’ve had to learn to find peace within my self- in the past, guilt weighed on me.  I would feel guilty when I was grieving and sad, because I should have been doing fun, happy stuff with the kids. I feel guilty when I had an awesome day, when I was happy- because I should have been mourning my losses.  It took a bit of learning on my part to realize life goes on and that just because I wasn’t crying didn’t mean I wasn’t missing them.  I didn’t want my kids to grow up with a sad mom, I want them to  look back on their childhood and remember it as fun.  It was difficult to find that balance though.

I think because of my losses, I make more of an effort to enjoy my kids and life in general.  I’m more apt to do things like load up the kids and go to the park on a whim instead of putting it off for another day when I might have help from another adult.  In that sense, I’ve become stronger and more confident in my parenting abilities.

What is your favorite part of being a mother and balancing that with blogging?
I just really like my kids.  I know that sounds obvious- but what I mean is, if given the choice between going grocery shopping alone or with all of my kids, I’d take them with me.  I like doing things with them, and I know it’s just a matter of time before I’m not cool enough and they don’t want to be seen with me.  They know I blog about our life, and my 9 year old daughter has mentioned that she might want to write her own blog, or perhaps some posts on mine.  Both of my daughters will say things like ‘Take a picture of me in this new skirt and put it on your blog!’ and then strike a pose for me.  They make it pretty easy to balance blogging with parenting, because they like to help me think of things to write about.

Have you ever written a blog post that you later regretted?
No, not really.  (And if I did, I wouldn’t want to draw attention to it by mentioning it!)  I used to regret making my loss blog public while leaving so much of the rest of my life out.  Because I kept the day to day chatter off of it, those that know me outside of the internet only saw me mourning and all my heartache.  They couldn’t help but assume I was very depressed, and I know I really worried some friends and family.  Now though, they are able to see that the losses are just a part of my life, and there is much, much more happiness than sadness.

Favorite Posts:
It’s a Tough Job:  I know first hand how difficult it can be to get twin babies to hold still for a photo.
I Won’t Be Busting Your Door Down Anytime Soon:  The tale of a very pregnant mama trying break down the door to rescue her toddler.
And Then the Whole World Shifted:  SO heart wrenching.   Grab a kleenex.  You’ll need it.